Breastfeeding will ruin your marriage.

This article by TV Rabbi Schmuley, "Moms, Don't Forget to Feed Your Marriages, Why nurturing a passionate marriage is more important than breastfeeding" is so utterly ridiculous. He's basically saying that breastfeeding can have the same effect on a marriage as adultery. Of a couple he was counseling (or was on a TV show with, which, really, is not the same thing, is it Rabbi?):

With this particular couple, the situation was even worse. Their sex life had died completely, and one of the main causes was the mother's obsession with breast-feeding well into the child's eleventh month. The baby was attached to his mother like a limb, and he even slept with her every night, consigning her husband to a different bedroom.

I told the mother that in being so devoted to her son, she had committed the cardinal sin of marriage, which is to put someone else before her spouse, even if that someone is your child. Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh.

In my book "Kosher Adultery," I make the point that infidelity is primarily a sin of omission rather than commission. It is not the bad thing you do that destroys a marriage, but all the good that you fail to do, preoccupied as you are with a sinful relationship that diverts your attention away from your spouse. Similarly, with the example of breast-feeding, a wife who spends a year giving all her emotional and physical affection to the baby has left her marriage a barren wasteland, bereft of romance and affection.

He goes on to comment that the last thing a father is do is watch a baby come out: "That is just too erotic a part of a wife's anatomy for it to become a mere birth canal."

A MERE birth canal? Hmmm...so many things to say. Not the least of which is: why can't witnessing your wife's body do these absolutely amazing things - things it was made to do, make you feel more attracted and amazed by her? Please read and judge for yourself. Words fail me.

Chocolate Baby Formula: From Cradle to Grave

Although the title of this article from the Atlantic is a little misleading - it's actually a toddler formula - it's no less shocking to find out about this product. What's next, squash and cheeto puree?

And here's a follow up article, Chocolate formula: Baby Doesn't Know Best, with some great points, as well as comments - including one from Marsha Walker, who I interviewed for the film: "Dumping additives into infant and toddler formula provides a method to extend a product line, not improve the health of children."

After my son turned a year, even though I knew I wasn't going to wean him right away, I tried to introduce cow's milk to him because, well, I thought that's what I was supposed to do. When he wouldn't drink it, I was concerned - would he get enough calcium? Vitamin D? My lactation consultant assured me that there are plenty of countries around the world where mother's milk is the only milk, and those kids are all fine. And it's true. He weaned at 2.5 years, eats a wide variety of foods, including calcium-rich broccoli and kale, and loves plain yogurt sweetened with maple sugar. He really didn't need milk.

Sure, cow's milk can be a great snack and a great substitute for weaning or formula-fed babies. But I think it's just a mind set that we have to get over, that it's so crucial that we actually have to persuade a picky toddler to drink it by adding chocolate flavoring and 4.5 teaspoons of sugar!!!

From one mama to another

I recently came across this quote by C. S. Lewis, which made me think immediately about my experience of becoming a mother:

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.

I attended a breastfeeding support group (At Hudson Valley Hospital Center, for your local folks - Linda is the best there is!) and feel like it saved me. I attended my first group when my son was only 3 weeks old and met so many wonderful, supportive women, who were all going through many of the same things I was - or would soon go through. I was very shy at first, but it helped so much, just to listen to the conversation, maybe occasionally I would get up the courage to introduce myself to the person next to me. When I did have a question, everyone was so forthcoming, and helpful, and supportive. Before long, I found myself at the group with a toddler, sharing my own breastfeeding experiences with new mothers. I felt a very strong connection with these women. Some I never saw again, some I still (almost 3 years later) consider friends.

I remember the first time someone said to me, "This is so hard, isn't it?" And it was such a relief to know that someone else felt like I did. That new motherhood wasn't bliss every second of every day. That this new person in my life caused me to fight with my husband like never before. And that I was so, so, so tired and just wanted a few minutes alone without having to go nurse this baby...

Of course, those early days with the new baby were miraculous, too. The idea that I kept another human alive with only milk that my body made for six-plus months, I still consider it one of my greatest accomplishments. And the joy cannot be denied. But I think having a strong network of support made the good better, too. I gained confidence in my mothering that I don't know I would have felt without other people telling me that it was all going as it should, that it was okay to trust myself and my instincts, and that it was okay that it felt overwhelming sometimes.

So this is the first blog post I'm making to the public (previous posts were 'tests' as my website was being designed) as I launch my new website for my documentary-in-progress, Supply and Demand: Uncovering Breastfeeding in America. Here I will be posting about the progress of this film as well as interesting information, links, and even sometimes humor I come across in my research about all things breastfeeding. I dedicate this blog to all of you wonderful ladies, and to lactation consultant Linda LeMon, who inspired me to make this film, which I hope will help many other women to become mothers, too.

I hope you'll visit often, via this blog or facebook, and also email me to get on our mailing list, share your own story, or pass on interesting (or infuriating!) links or news about breastfeeding!