Breastfeeding will ruin your marriage.

This article by TV Rabbi Schmuley, "Moms, Don't Forget to Feed Your Marriages, Why nurturing a passionate marriage is more important than breastfeeding" is so utterly ridiculous. He's basically saying that breastfeeding can have the same effect on a marriage as adultery. Of a couple he was counseling (or was on a TV show with, which, really, is not the same thing, is it Rabbi?):

With this particular couple, the situation was even worse. Their sex life had died completely, and one of the main causes was the mother's obsession with breast-feeding well into the child's eleventh month. The baby was attached to his mother like a limb, and he even slept with her every night, consigning her husband to a different bedroom.

I told the mother that in being so devoted to her son, she had committed the cardinal sin of marriage, which is to put someone else before her spouse, even if that someone is your child. Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh.

In my book "Kosher Adultery," I make the point that infidelity is primarily a sin of omission rather than commission. It is not the bad thing you do that destroys a marriage, but all the good that you fail to do, preoccupied as you are with a sinful relationship that diverts your attention away from your spouse. Similarly, with the example of breast-feeding, a wife who spends a year giving all her emotional and physical affection to the baby has left her marriage a barren wasteland, bereft of romance and affection.

He goes on to comment that the last thing a father is do is watch a baby come out: "That is just too erotic a part of a wife's anatomy for it to become a mere birth canal."

A MERE birth canal? Hmmm...so many things to say. Not the least of which is: why can't witnessing your wife's body do these absolutely amazing things - things it was made to do, make you feel more attracted and amazed by her? Please read and judge for yourself. Words fail me.

Chocolate Baby Formula: From Cradle to Grave

Although the title of this article from the Atlantic is a little misleading - it's actually a toddler formula - it's no less shocking to find out about this product. What's next, squash and cheeto puree?

And here's a follow up article, Chocolate formula: Baby Doesn't Know Best, with some great points, as well as comments - including one from Marsha Walker, who I interviewed for the film: "Dumping additives into infant and toddler formula provides a method to extend a product line, not improve the health of children."

After my son turned a year, even though I knew I wasn't going to wean him right away, I tried to introduce cow's milk to him because, well, I thought that's what I was supposed to do. When he wouldn't drink it, I was concerned - would he get enough calcium? Vitamin D? My lactation consultant assured me that there are plenty of countries around the world where mother's milk is the only milk, and those kids are all fine. And it's true. He weaned at 2.5 years, eats a wide variety of foods, including calcium-rich broccoli and kale, and loves plain yogurt sweetened with maple sugar. He really didn't need milk.

Sure, cow's milk can be a great snack and a great substitute for weaning or formula-fed babies. But I think it's just a mind set that we have to get over, that it's so crucial that we actually have to persuade a picky toddler to drink it by adding chocolate flavoring and 4.5 teaspoons of sugar!!!

From one mama to another

I recently came across this quote by C. S. Lewis, which made me think immediately about my experience of becoming a mother:

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.

I attended a breastfeeding support group (At Hudson Valley Hospital Center, for your local folks - Linda is the best there is!) and feel like it saved me. I attended my first group when my son was only 3 weeks old and met so many wonderful, supportive women, who were all going through many of the same things I was - or would soon go through. I was very shy at first, but it helped so much, just to listen to the conversation, maybe occasionally I would get up the courage to introduce myself to the person next to me. When I did have a question, everyone was so forthcoming, and helpful, and supportive. Before long, I found myself at the group with a toddler, sharing my own breastfeeding experiences with new mothers. I felt a very strong connection with these women. Some I never saw again, some I still (almost 3 years later) consider friends.

I remember the first time someone said to me, "This is so hard, isn't it?" And it was such a relief to know that someone else felt like I did. That new motherhood wasn't bliss every second of every day. That this new person in my life caused me to fight with my husband like never before. And that I was so, so, so tired and just wanted a few minutes alone without having to go nurse this baby...

Of course, those early days with the new baby were miraculous, too. The idea that I kept another human alive with only milk that my body made for six-plus months, I still consider it one of my greatest accomplishments. And the joy cannot be denied. But I think having a strong network of support made the good better, too. I gained confidence in my mothering that I don't know I would have felt without other people telling me that it was all going as it should, that it was okay to trust myself and my instincts, and that it was okay that it felt overwhelming sometimes.

So this is the first blog post I'm making to the public (previous posts were 'tests' as my website was being designed) as I launch my new website for my documentary-in-progress, Supply and Demand: Uncovering Breastfeeding in America. Here I will be posting about the progress of this film as well as interesting information, links, and even sometimes humor I come across in my research about all things breastfeeding. I dedicate this blog to all of you wonderful ladies, and to lactation consultant Linda LeMon, who inspired me to make this film, which I hope will help many other women to become mothers, too.

I hope you'll visit often, via this blog or facebook, and also email me to get on our mailing list, share your own story, or pass on interesting (or infuriating!) links or news about breastfeeding!

Substance in Breast Milk Kills Cancer Cells

Check out this great article about HAMLET (Human Alpha-lactalbumin Made LEthal to Tumour cells), found in breastmilk, which has been shown to kill over 40 different types of cancer!

(Thanks MargotK for the link!)

Very Crafty

Mama is... via Bliss

Of Pumping and Paid Leave

My sweet father-in-law, who lives in Iowa, emailed me this article from the Des Moines Register. It's the first I had heard of the breastfeeding language in the Health Care Reform Bill:

‘‘An employer shall provide a reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk; and a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from co-workers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk."

Surely a start. And great that the pumping conversation is happening across America, although Iowa is increasingly (and surprisingly and impressively) progressive, having recently legalized gay marriage.

But what about the paid family leave, people? MOST developed and developing countries provide paid family leave. And by most I mean all but Lesotho, Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, and -- you guessed it -- the United States. Not even federal employees received paid maternity leave! Yes there is the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which provides for 12 weeks of leave unpaid. But who can afford to use that for anything than the most serious of emergencies? I know that when I had my son, my husband didn't use a day of it for paternity leave, but instead used all of his paid vacation and sick time. We just couldn't afford the loss of income, especially since, as a freelancer, I didn't get paid maternity leave myself.

There is a whole host of reasons to support universal, paid maternity leave. There is no arguing that it's good for families and it's good for breastfeeding. And working mothers who are given paid maternity leave are more loyal employees, and more likely to return to work. Since it costs an employer an average of 75% of an employee's wage to fill a vacated position, it's clear that it's good for business, too. Several states like California and New Jersey have already figured this out. But there is no good reason why it's not on the national agenda.

For more info on paid family leave, read this Forbes article from last year or visit the National Partnership for Women and Families website.

Oh, back to the original point. Read this thought-provoking article by Jill Lepore on pumping, in the New Yorker last year.

NY Times: Baby Fat May Not Be So Cute Afterall

I'm always pleased to see articles in the mainstream press touting the benefits of breastfeeding. This recent NY Times article, about childhood obesity is no exception, as it clearly states that "breastfeeding is recommended to lower the obesity risk."

I'm concerned, however, with the last paragraph:

Experts say change may require abandoning some cherished cultural attitudes. “The idea that a big baby is a healthy baby, and a crying baby is probably a hungry baby who should be fed, are things we really need to rethink,” Dr. Birch said.

As I understand it, breastfeeding works best on-demand, which is especially important in the first few months. Now this isn't always practical, for working mothers especially, but it worked great for me and my son. My son would cry, I would offer my breast and he would feed as long or as short has he needed. He was able to determine for himself how much he needed, and what he needed - for a summer baby that was particularly important, as a short drink would give him watery foremilk, perfect for rehydrating a sweaty baby, or if he was hungry he could nurse for a longer period, to get more fat and nutrition. When he was having a growth spurt, he would cry to nurse more and more, which would stimulate my milk supply. It's part of what makes breastfeeding such a perfect system.

"Rethinking" that a crying baby is hungry baby may be a good idea for formula-fed babies, but may not be so great for breastfeeding.